This May Be Why You’re Letting Yourself Be Confused

Around this time last year, I was finishing up my coaching practicum.

Or, more truthful to say, I had 53 hours of a 100 hour practicum left to complete.

I wasn’t finishing it up, I was watching the deadline roll in and paralyzed with fear that I wouldn’t be able to complete it.

“There’s not enough time,” I told myself.

“There’s no way I can do this,” I believed.

I’d spent half the year doing the 30 hours of free coaching plus 17 hours of paid coaching and I needed 53 more paid hours.

In this practicum, we were not only developing our coaching skills, but our selling skills.

And it had been a rough year.

There had been a number of violent attacks in Istanbul, my husband and I had suffered a traumatic personal loss on our journey to become parents, and before we’d even had the opportunity to mourn that loss, Turkey experienced a coup attempt that disrupted our daily lives.

I mean, if anyone had an excuse … I mean a reason not to follow through on her commitment, it was me!

Look at all the trauma and loss in my life!

Look at everything I was dealing with!

And then, I attended a coaching conference and got mentorship to help me see a new possibility.

That there was enough time to complete my hours — When I saw a different strategy.

What I was doing wasn’t working because it wasn’t the right strategy for the situation I was in.

No wonder I thought it wasn’t possible, I had the wrong strategy.

But the truth is really what was under the “wrong” strategy.

The truth is I was in a new situation and was uncertain about how to overcome the challenge I was facing.

The uncertainty led me to feel fear.

And giving in to the fear allowed me to use my circumstances as excuses not to find bigger solutions.

I told my husband I wanted to quit, it was too much pressure (especially given all that I’d been through!)

I told my parents I was under so much stress that I couldn’t eat.

I told myself that I didn’t really want to be a coach that badly.

None of that was the truth.

The truth is that I did want to be a coach.

I loved working with people in this way.

Coaching brought together all my skills, gifts, and life experiences — it made me feel connected to my purpose.

It gave me great joy use my talents to help other people in their lives and careers.

But the fear was overwhelming.

And I let it overcome my desire.

Until I got angry.

I got angry at myself — that I was going to allow all these excuses to derail me from my dream; from finishing what I’d started.

I’d invested a lot of time, a lot of money, and a lot of effort to get halfway through the program.

And with all I’d been through — especially given what I’d been through — I wasn’t about to waste that by walking away without a coaching certification.

And once I got angry, and I got into action.

I started seeing new possibilities.

I started taking better care of myself so I could serve my clients better.

I got better at having sales conversations.

I got better at asking for help.

I got better at coaching.

I got more resourceful, more focused, and more determined.

And when the fear came up, I got better at recognizing it so I could address it.

Graduating for me became a non-negotiable goal, and when that happened, I became the person who was willing to let her desire outweigh her fear.

And I graduated!

It was extremely satisfying and rewarding and I know now that making a goal a MUST instead of a wish, hope or dream is what it takes to overcome the obstacles I put up in front of me.

And those obstacles are often just masking the truth underneath.

They look like excuses.

They look like being busy.

They look like being overwhelmed.

They look like confusion.

They look like chaos.

They look like illness.

They look like helping everyone else but yourself.

And what is underneath — the truth underneath all of that — is the key to your freedom.

I was reminded of this today when a new client thanked me for our conversation about the next steps she would like to take in her career.

What she truly, truly desired was stability and consistency in a profession that glamorizes something more bohemian and wild.

Everyone else was telling her what she should do, but none of it matched what she truly wanted, and until we were able to dig through the confusion and get to her truth, she remained confused.

I invite you to bring into your awareness the places where you are allowing yourself to make excuses, get busy, be overwhelmed, confused, sick, or keep putting other people first and ask if this is really the truth, or if it is masking something underneath that deserves deeper examination to see.

Once you see what is truly there, you will relax.

As my wise mentor said to me this week, “people relax when the truth is spoken”.

I hope this has helped you today.

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